The not so midlife crisis.

Ok. First thing's first, I must apologise for being so lazy with my blogging. A lot has happened in the last two months, not all worth sharing but enough to stop me delving into cyberspace. 

Recently I have been under a lot of stress, exam preparation, assignment deadlines, overwhelming debt and drowning in my total lack of self worth. 

It's been tough, but I've tried to deal with it as best I can :) 

Basically I'm going through my midlife crisis at least fifteen years early. I've been doubting my future in every single way possible and it's not been good. 

To help myself sort my sorry life out, I decided to resort to list making...the only thing that I am actually good at. 

I turn 20 in September and so I decided to make a 'Thirty things to do before 30' list. 

It's not very imaginative, but it's made up of things I really want to do.

And so here it is:

1) Publish an ebook - I've written so much fanfic in my time but I desperately want to write a piece of original fiction. It's very unlikely that I will be able to publish a print book (although it would be cool to frame my rejection letter). 

2) Travel around the USA - I've already got my route planned... I need to somehow gather the funds.

3) Get a full time job and love it - obviously this is a utopian ideal, but hey a girl's gotta dream. 

4) Run a marathon - I've always wanted to run the London marathon, but I doubt this one will happen...I'm way too fat. 

5) Get a tattoo - I've been so close to getting one of these for years, this is another one where money (or lack of it) comes into play.

6) Complete a five year journal - I have never completed a diary in my life, but recently one of my lovely friends bought me a beautiful five year journal... And I will finish this one!! 

7) Reach my perfect healthy weight and keep it off - I need to lose about two stone and keep it off before I'm totally happy with my weight. 

8) Graduate from university - If I don't complete my degree then my entire life goes to pot...so this is more of a must...

9) Take a spontaneous trip - I am one of those people that need to strategically plan everything that I do. One day I just want to spin a globe and blindly choose a  country and fly there within a day...it's crazy and makes me feel slightly sick even thinking about it to be honest. 

10) Leave home - obviously I can't do this until I earn enough in my dream job so we're probably looking at five years at least.

11) Learn another language - I know a little French and Portuguese but not enough to hold a conversation... Fun fact though, I can write almost fluently in Elvish ;) 

12) Watch the sun rise and set on the beach - this is a bit of a soppy one but it's something that seems cool. 

13) Complete a work placement abroad - I've always wanted to work in another country, hopefully one day that opportunity will present itself. 

14) Record a podcast - I've previously said on this site that I would do this...I still haven't :/

15) Go to Comic Con - this actually ties in with #2. 

16) Publish an article in a print magazine - funny thing is, I've already done this one but I want to do it again. 

17) Take my family on holiday - They've taken me on holiday countless times, I should one day repay the favour. 

18) Have a dress designed for me - let's be fair, this is just a crappy one to fill the gap. 

19) Get married - this one is very questionable. 

20) Keep to an exercise routine for a year - lol this is probably even more unlikely than #19.

21) Volunteer for a charity - I have done this once but next time I want to make more of an impact.

22) Go on a Ghost Tour - I'll only do this if someone else comes with me.

23) Throw/attend a Harry Potter marathon party - I don't know why... But I  want to. 

24) Learn to play an instrument - An extra skill...no other reason. 

25) Save baby turtles - Turtles are my favourite animals and I have never cried as much as when I watched baby turtles get picked off by birds on a David Attenborough documentary... I also despise birds and so this is my mission. 

26) fly first class - I like personal space, first class means that it is acceptable for me not to talk to people. 

27) Play the Sherlock drinking game - I'm actually not a huge fan of drinking, but I love Sherlock and therefore this is automatically awesome. 

28) Attempt to confront phobias - there are quite a few things that I am absolutely terrified of, and to be honest I'm quite embarrassed of them. 

29) Have a baby/ buy a kitten - it may seem strange that I have put these both in the same category but I'm going to share something. Children annoy me and I'm actually scared of newborn babies, also the thought of giving birth both terrifies me and disgusts me. So it's either a baby or a kitten, because to be honest I love my cat Indie more than any human being. 

30) Write a letter to my 30 year old self containing this list - I will open this letter on my 30th birthday and hopefully I will reassure myself that in the end everything will be ok.

So there it is, and I'm really hoping that I can start ticking some of these off soon!