Why I hate Valentine's Day.

Before I fully begin my rant, I just want to clarify that I'm not one of those bitter singles who's mission is to attack anyone and everyone who is in a relationship. I'd say that at least 75% of the people I know are in some sort of a relationship and to be perfectly honest, I don't care! As long as you being in a loved  up nest of ickyness doesn't affect our friendship, and that I'm not subjected to witnessing awkward sessions of face-eating, then hey do what you want.

I don't hate on couples (although sometimes there are pangs of jealousy)...I just despise the whole concept of Valentine's Day.

It is a terrible day for everyone, singleton's and couples alike... and don't get me started on those poor souls who are hanging in the friendzone (don't send a card to your crush people, it will only end in tears).

For singles like me, it is a depressing reminder that you are yet to find that 'special someone' (ew) and it's really not a fun feeling because you can't escape it at all :( As soon as Christmas is over, shops are littered with overpriced boxes of chocolate and you are stunned to find that everything has been drenched with sickly shades of pink or passionate throws of red.
 Dare you go near a jewellery shop, for everything that you once admired has been replaced with hearts and diamonds and rubies, beautifully gift wrapped with rose petals and confetti.
I challenge anyone to find some sensible underwear during this time without being faced with a shocking array of garters, suspenders, teeny weeny pieces of material that are passed as panties and bras that are so heavily decorated with lace and beads that I'm surprised anyone finds them comfortable. The same applies for pyjamas; don't expect to be finding a modest shorts set... nope, instead why don't you try the 'sheer open-front feather-lined camisole' that LITERALLY COVERS NOTHING and comes with a hefty price tag of £35!!
If you want to go anywhere on this awful day, think again unless the prospect of drowning in a sea of meals for two seems pleasurable. Or if you fancy sitting alone in the cinema while everyone else is scattered around in annoying sets of even numbers, be my guest,  just don't run to me when the tidal wave of loneliness smacks into you.

Although it's obviously going to be a bad time for singles, I honestly think that it's worse for couples. Speaking from experience, I actually think this is a specific occasion where guys have it worse (cue the flaming bras being hurled in my direction). Sorry girls, but most of us have high expectations and they tend to revolve around the gift giving aspect. A dozen red roses may be romantic but its not exactly original is it? (I don't like flowers in general...leave the poor things in the ground!) A box of chocolates is also pleasant but where is the thought in that? (Just for the record, give me a bag of Magic Stars and I'm pretty much yours).
Nowadays gift expectations lay around the 'diamond necklace' end of the spectrum, with some settling for a day out or some ridiculously priced lingerie.
A day out, I think, is a brilliant idea... here you are spending actual quality time together and not just passing for two people staring at each other across a table. It's out in public but you have your own space, unlike a restaurant where candlelit tables are so tightly packed together its bound to be a fire hazard.
Don't even get me started on underwear as a gift... men buy women lingerie with the expectation that after dinner they will ultimately go home and have boring, conventional sex. But here's the thing, I've known women to buy lingerie for themselves in order to skimp on the gift and just offer sex as the present!! Seriously, where are the feminists when you need them, because that's just disgusting!

At the end of the day, Valentine's Day is set aside to make singleton's feel lonely and put couples under pressure. It is a fake holiday, spawned by greedy consumerism and egged on by corporations that dangle diamonds and cards and vomit-worthy merchandise in front of the public eye. Since when did two people need a labelled day of the year to celebrate their feelings towards each other (cheesy much?) and have to fork out a considerable sum of money in order to prove it?
Actions like these should be spontaneous... not forced through a codified ritual each year!!

 

Well that's all the time I can be bothered to spend on this stupid subject, but I sincerely hope that your Valentine's Day isn't disappointing. My day... well if any of you can remember that scene in Bridget Jones' Diary, where Bridget is curled up on the couch, drinking wine in her pyjamas and performing a out-of-tune rendition of "All By Myself"... yep, that will be me.